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Damned Dead

Empty eyes with a dark heart awake,
Looking up to a whole face of holes.
Cold blood pulsing through the veins,
But hunger grows for warmth.

Life never-ending but cut short.
Falling victim to fate.
Now immortality beckons,
At the expense of those who are unfortunate.

Endless dreams of eternal sunlight.
Five hundred years of being,
But not seeing oneself.
All humanity taken, no one spared.

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~ by billyfrawley on October 24, 2011.

4 Responses to “Damned Dead”

  1. ah! My first vampire poem of the semester! The first line is really captivating, but the repetition of “whole” and “holes” in the second line might throw your audience off if this were being read aloud, and poetry is a medium for the voice as well as for the page. In a revision of this, you might want to consider what your main point about this immortal corpse is–what do you want us to feel about this vampire? You might go online and research arcane literary sites–why not try to get this published?

    What did you think about Rachel’s critique? I thought she was right on about infusing more of you, your voice, your personality into the posts, but disagreed about all your opinions being supported. As we discussed, some of them are not (such as political opinions), but could be with a little more thought, wch would change the blog a bit, probably for the better!

  2. Hey, I really like this poem. The vampire theme is way overdone lately but your poem is far from cliche. The line “Now immortality beckons,
    At the expense of those who are unfortunate.” It’s cold and true and it works. The words hole and whole confuse me. Maybe you can clarify what you were trying to say.

  3. I tried explaining that all vampires were victims at one point. I was thinking of including an extra stanza about their abilities such as super speed and strength but realized that people have different views of what vampires can do. The only abilities that I found universal were not aging, having to feed on blood, having a good sense of smell, and being able to glamor.Everything else like flying, super speed and strength, and whether or not the sun kills varies. I found it pretty hard to find other vampire poems-most of them were pre 1900’s. Yeah I liked Rachel’s critique, it covered most of the things I lacked in for that section. Yeah, the political opinions were definitely unsupported but I plan on posting a revision of a piece in a day or two. Completely creative nonfiction, no facts.

  4. Thank you, Samantha. It’s referring to the moon. The moon has holes, it was a full moon(whole face), or can be compared to a round face. Whole face of holes.

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